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"So why doesn't she leave"?
The question isn't why doesn't she leave; the question is, "Why does he abuse her"?
As a society, we don't ask this question even though between 40 to 50% of women who are murdered in this country will be killed by an intimate partner. We place responsibility for the abuser's behavior with the abused. Women remove themselves and their children from the violence, but it follows them. So women stay and tolerate abuse for reasons that make no sense to individuals who do not live with violence.
Some Reasons She Might Stay
- She sees no way out
- He will carry out his threats
- He may let her leave but not the children so, she stays to protect them
- Her religious, cultural or family beliefs would condemn her for not being a good wife
- He is a community leader or authority figure
- Who would believe her
- She has low self-esteem
- She doesn't realize the abuse is abnormal
- She loves him, he is not always abusive
- She increases her chances of injury or death by 75%
- Financial considerations
- Isolation from friends and family
"What can you do"?
- Become educated about domestic violence
- Recognize the signs
- Reach out to anyone you feel may be a victim, show your support and concern
- Listen and believe when someone talks about domestic violence
- Provide a list of community resources to individuals seeking help
- Encourage her to use the resources to help herself and her children
- Make others aware of the magnitude of domestic violence
"What can you say"?
- "I am concerned for you and your children."
- "You didn't/don't cause the violence."
- "You don't deserve to be abused."
- "Abuse is not love."
- "There are other women like you."
- "There are people you can talk to who know about domestic violence."
- "I am sorry this is happening to you."
- "You are brave to reach out for help."
- "I am proud of you for protecting yourself and your children."
- "Be proud of yourself."
Local Resource Websites:
National Informational Resource Websites
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