Good men put strength to work to help women fleeing domestic abuse
By Marni Jameson
Posted: 05/01/2010 01:00:00 AM MDT
Here's one reason I love men: When I'm painting a room, I look at a door and think, "How am I going to paint around the hinges and edges so the door won't stick?"
A man looks at the same door and just takes it down. Without hesitating, he pops out the door's hinge pins and waltzes down the hall holding the door like an awkward dance partner. I love that in a man.
Taking a door off wouldn't occur to me simply because I can't take a door off. If I did manage to wrangle out the hinge pins, the door would fall on top of me and I'd go through life looking like Gumby.
This is why I was delighted that not one but two men — my husband, Dan, and our friend Jeff — were on the job for my adopted room makeover.
Jameson's daughter Paige Roth, 17, left, and Cramer clean a window as others work on the room at the Brandon Center. (Matt McClain, Special to The Denver Post)
For those just tuning in, my two teenage daughters and I adopted a room at the Brandon Center, an always-full shelter in Denver for women fleeing domesic abuse that has 30 rooms, many in need of an overhaul.
Unfortunately, we need centers like this because not all men are good men. The difference between a good man and an evil man is one uses his strength to help, the other to hurt.
We had just one day to turn our room, which looked like a holding cell with beds, into a haven for healing.
Here's another reason I love men — good men. When women sign on for a cause that involves a little heavy lifting, good men step up. Dan didn't have to be asked. He knew what to do. When Jeff heard about the project, he didn't volunteer to help, he insisted. This is because men are wired to solve problems. Women are wired to talk about problems.
So last Saturday, seven of us — Dan, our daughters, their two teenage friends, Jeff and I — taped, primed, scrubbed and painted. We replaced a light fixture, changed knobs, framed a mirror, put up curtains, installed a bathroom cabinet, refreshed beds, and hung new towels and calm art.
After a long day, five of the wonder crew peeled off for various evening obligations, until only my youngest daughter and I were left finishing up. It was dark by then. All the shelter's residents were in their rooms, except for this room's resident, whom we'd displaced. She was patiently waiting.
A quiet woman, she'd shied from the earlier commotion. But now that the crowd had thinned, she ventured in. Slowly she unfolded her story of how she'd come to the shelter just a few days earlier after being trapped in a violent relationship for 10 years with that other brand of man. Then she looked around the room, took in the change and said, "I hope someday I can have a home like this."
The fact that she used the words 'hope' and 'home' in the same sentence was all the thanks I needed.
Mass. Senate Weighing Domestic Violence Bills
BOSTON — The Massachusetts Senate is poised to debate two bills designed to protect the housing and job rights of domestic violence victims.
One bill would let tenants break a lease without facing a penalty if they are victims of domestic violence. The tenant would be required to provide their landlord with written proof of their status as a victim.
The bill would also protect tenants who offer temporary shelter to a victim of domestic violence, rape or stalking for up to four weeks.
The second bill would require businesses to let workers who are domestic violence victims take up to 15 days off work, paid or unpaid, if they are trying to get out of a violent situation or are seeking medical or legal help.
The Senate was set to debate both bills on Thursday
Pro-active crackdown on domestic violence hailed a stunning success
May 11 2010 By Annie Brown
A NEW pro-active police approach to domestic violence has been hailed as a stunning success.
And it has already cut the number of violent attacks on women during "peak times" by almost half.
Officers "turned the screws" on repeat abusers, with dawn raids, increased surveillance and warnings handed out to the worst offenders.
Chief Inspector Bob Hamilton, who is overseeing the new approach, said: "It is about rattling the cages of these guys and saying we are going to be in their face - so don't even think about lifting a hand.
"Our job is to prevent crime and that means turning the screw on abusers. If we knew when a bank was going to get robbed and we knew who was doing it, we would stop it before it happened."
Over Christmas - a flashpoint for domestic violence - reported incidents fell by 42 per cent. Over Hogmanay, they dropped by 41 per cent.
Meanwhile, Scotland's dedicated Domestic Abuse Court in Glasgow is turning out conviction rates of 86 per cent. Some other courts in Scotland are struggling to convict 50 per cent of domestic abuse cases.
Last night, Women's Aid and Lord Advocate Elish Angiolini said the approach was helping thousands of women who were living in fear of violence.
Mr Hamilton's team targeted repeat offenders before they could attack their partners again.
That meant long surveillance operations, hours of intelligence gathering and dawn raids by the Domestic Abuse Task Force - taking culprits away from their victims.
Mr Hamilton said: "We don't want to be sitting counting the number of arrests we have had. We would rather we never had to make another arrest. The whole idea is to prevent people becoming victims."
He added: "When I saw some of the new figures I actually questioned them because they were so good. I wasn't sure until I talked to Women's Aid and they agreed that this had been the quietest Christmas ever for incidents."
Collating data from the last eight years, the force identified peak days for domestic violence, which included the festive break, bank holidays and Old Firm match days - when abuse is almost three times its normal level.
Over Christmas, repeat abusers were lifted for any outstanding warrants regardless of whether they related to violence or driving offences.
Community officers also went to homes to warn thugs that they were under surveillance.
Mr Hamilton said: "It is a no-brainer where we need to focus our attention. By honing in on those days it is incredible the number of victims we can save."
Pamela McElhinney, of Glasgow East Women's Aid, said: "It worked, there is no doubt about that. The violence went down and more women came to us because they were given the space to get away and come to us for refuge.
"The emphasis on targeting the offender took the onus away from women to report the men and left it to the police to find another reason to have them locked up.
"Women are often too scared to report their abusers. Taking the men out of the house gave some of the women a chance to reflect and regroup."
Over those 13 days of Chistmas and New Year, reported incidents of domestic violence were down by a quarter.
On Christmas Eve, there was a 24 per cent reduction, on December 23, it fell by 25 per cent, on December 27, 39 per cent and the next day reported attacks plummeted by 51 per cent.
On New Years' day reported incidents were down 23 per cent.
Pamela said: "It is a very commonsense approach. It was planned and meticulous and it was a huge success. I would like to see it rolled out across the country."
The success is just one part of a revolutionary new way of tackling violent crime in Strathclyde.
Statistics were used to identify the most violent streets in Glasgow, the worst offenders and peak trouble days.
Resources were targeted with this in mind and, as a result, murders have been cut by more than 40 per cent in the last five years and serious assaults are down 11.6 per cent in the last year.
The drop in reported incidents is even more dramatic, given that victims have been more inclined to come forward in recent years because of improved conviction rates.
Police say they are bringing the same level of commitment to investigating domestic abuse as they would to a murder inquiry.
Lord Advocate Angiolini said the statistics were reassuring but there was no room for complacency.
She added: "I am encouraged to see that domestic abuse incidents appear to have declined and I hope that the message is now getting through to perpetrators that there is no excuse for domestic abuse.
"However, we need to look beyond the scale of the statistics.
"Each reported incident to the police represents an individual victim who is likely to have endured many years of intimidation and violence before taking the courageous step to report their abuser to the police.
"Whole families have their lives ruined by the abuse taking place behind closed doors.
"As a society, we need to take domestic abuse seriously."
She vowed victims would be treated with "respect and sensitivity".
Mhairi McGowan, manager of Assist, the support service who work with Scotland's Domestic Abuse Court, said: "Christmas and New Year is traditionally a very difficult time for those who experience domestic abuse.
"It is my belief that the police action made the difference."
"I could have killed my partner"
Jim, a slight man in his 50s, abused his partner for many years.
May 11, 2010 BBC News
He has three convictions for domestic assault and said alcohol played a part in the abuse.
"Every one of my sentences has been related to drink, and to be honest, there probably should have been more sentences," he said.
"I got away with it, I wasn't reported at times.
"I would verbally attack my partner, but a couple of times, physically attack her as well.
"Afterwards I was genuinely sorry, but next time, it would happen again."
Jim is one of three men convicted of domestic abuse who spoke to the BBC about their experiences.
The three - known only as Jim, Stephen and Robert - were all attending the Change Programme, run by Glasgow City Council, as part of their sentences.
The programme involves the men going back over the incident for which they were arrested.
"As time went on, this course has opened my eyes to what kind of person I was and how selfish," Jim said.
"I was ashamed of myself."
Robert, a 42-year-old father-of-two, remembers the day he was arrested.
He said: "It was embarrassing, scary.
"I was sitting in the cell and I couldn't remember. I knew I'd been arguing with her.
"I had to ask my partner what had happened that weekend and the things she told me were really scary. I could have killed her."
'Trust back'
Robert said although he knew no physical violence when he was growing up, he thought emotional abuse was normal in a relationship.
"I thought it was just the way it was," he said.
"When I came onto the programme, I thought, 'I've got to attend this. I'll go through the motions'.
"But as the weeks went by I realised I was like that."
Robert said it was difficult opening up to other men, but eventually he managed to do so.
He said: "Once we realised that we were being abusive, then the next step is to try and avoid being abusive and help ourselves to walk away from the situation and that's what they taught us.
"They taught us well I think."
Robert, who was with his partner for 20 years, has made some in-roads into repairing the relationship, but he said it was very difficult.
He now lives away from the family home and sees his partner at weekends.
He said: "It's taken a long time for my partner to actually put her arms round me again.
"It's taken a long time to get that trust back.
"But if it hadn't been for the Change Programme I may have done some serious damage to my partner, maybe broke limbs, maybe killed her, I don't know."
Stephen is the youngest of the group. The 22-year-old assaulted his ex-girlfriend two years ago.
The offence he was convicted for was physical assault but he says it is the verbal bullying which haunts him.
"I used to shout at her, swear at her, call her names, bring her down," he said.
"I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
"We were having an argument and I called her quite a nasty name. I just thought that's what happened in arguments, that it didn't matter.
"Now I can't believe I said that."
'Seek help'
Stephen admitted that when he heard the terms of his probation included a spell at the Change Programme, he was sceptical.
"I thought it was going to be a load of guys having group hugs and stuff like that, but it's not like that," he said.
"Everything we've learned on the programme about different kinds of domestic abuse - I've done it all."
But now Stephen says he would have a specific message to men who are abusing their partners.
"If you are any kind of man, you would go and seek help about it and put a stop to it," he said.
"Because really it's actually no way to treat anybody, it's not the right way to live."
Dear Abby: Verbal abuse comes with clear signs
Dear Abby Jeanne Phillips April 28, 2010
Dear Abby: Would you please print the signs of a mental abuser? My husband is like night and day. He curses at me, calls me names, tells me I'm stupid and, when he raises his hand palm outward, it's my sign to shut up.
I have to leave notes about where I am, what time I'll be home, and if I'm a minute late, I'm in for it big time.
When I stand up for myself, he tells me I'm a b---- or "too sensitive." Why on Earth would I still love this guy? Please print the signs because I know a lot of other women in this situation. -- Beaten Down In Florida
Dear Beaten Down: By printing your letter I have printed the signs of a mental/emotional abuser. Your husband's behavior is classic, and I don't know why you would still love him.
Women stay with men like your husband because they don't think they deserve better, or because they are financially dependent.
Because verbal and emotional abuse can escalate into physical abuse, I'm printing the toll-free number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It's (800) 799-7233.
Study: Violence at home harms childrens' brains
April 26, 2010
ChuoOnline
People who have witnessed domestic violence between their parents in childhood are likely to have a significantly smaller visual cortex later in life, according to research by Kumamoto University and Harvard University. The visual cortex of the brain processes information from the eyes.
The research seems to lend credibility to a statement included in the Child Abuse Prevention Law that the emotional trauma of witnessing domestic violence can harm children's development and therefore constitutes a form of child abuse.
The research compared the brains of 15 Americans who were not physically abused but routinely saw a father severely physically abuse a mother when the subjects of the study were from 3 to 17 years old, and 33 Americans who grew up in a family with no such domestic violence.
Images of their brains taken by magnetic resonance imaging showed that the group that witnessed severe domestic violence had on average 20.5 percent less visual cortex in the right hemisphere of their brains than the other group.
Furthermore, blood flow in the right visual cortex of the group that witnessed domestic violence was 8.1 percent more than in the other subjects, showing that part of the brain was hyperactive, according to the study.
"Jersey Shores" Domestic Violence Scene
December 13, 2009
A Snooki getting punched video has become a viral internet success. The incident happened when Snooki was punched by Brad Ferro, a high school teacher from New York while taping MTV's new reality TV show, "Jersey Shores." The MTV reality TV show has already experienced used in a promotional video for the show. People were upset because of domestic violence issues, and so MTV is going to take the negative situation and make it positive by using the clip to build domestic violence awareness. Such awareness has been very high profile, especially after the incident where Chris Brown hit Rihanna.
Domestic violence was also discussed during the pending Tiger Woods scandal. It was rumored that Elin Woods caused the injuries on Tiger Woods that allegedly came from his November 27th car accident. The domestic violence dialogue was re-opened, although Tiger Woods denied claims that his wife caused any injuries.
Saturday Night Live had a Tiger Woods SNL Skit that was rather controversial. In the video, domestic violence was made to look like a joke. Considering the fact that Rihanna was present as the musical performer on that episode, the skit was seen by many as insensitive and inappropriate given the circumstances.
The Snooki getting punched incident caused a lot of trouble for Ferro, who is a teacher. He was arrested for the incident and after the school district he works for found out about his arrest, he was reassigned to a "rubber room" at his school. It is uncertain what will happen to Ferro's career, although it just goes to show you that acting out aggressively doesn't pay off.
FloridaTeam Reviews Domestic Violence Fatalities
Dec 9, 2009
Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum has put together a team of people from across the state that will focus on a plan to help domestic violence victims before it's too late. Experts say domestic violence is surging...and they want to put a stop to it.
The Florida Department of Law Enforcement says in 56 percent of domestic violence homicides in the state, the spouse or live-in partner was the victim.
Tallahassee resident Julie Owens is out on the street and jobless, after falling victim to domestic violence.
Owens said, "I had two children. My husband would come home and I could see immediately that he had a bad day. He'd start cursing and throwing things around and we all would hide. We shouldn't have to live that way, no one should have to live that way."
And no one should die that way.
Just this Monday, 36-year-old Terrell Robinson of Tallahassee was sentenced to life in prison after admitting to strangling his pregnant girlfriend Elisabeth Killam to death.
Last week Wakulla County deputies say 29-year-old Steven Stubbs shot his girlfriend Leslie Drew before turning the gun on himself.
Florida's Domestic Violence Fatality Review Team held its first meeting Wednesday to try to keep situations like these from happening again.
President and CEO of Florida's Coalition Against Domestic Violence Tiffany Carr said, "Florida's domestic violence centers have never been more overcapacity. The need has never been greater, the funding and resources, donations have never been less. So, it's all hand-in-hand with the increase in domestic violence homicides and it's absolutely devastating."
Officials say in 2007, 16 percent of homicides in Florida were domestic violence related.
The team is comprised victim advocates, law enforcement, medical professionals, members of the faith-based community and other consultants and officials.
Partners will review domestic violence homicides and near homicide cases to figure out how to better serve potential victims and stop tragedies before they happen.
Team members say signs of domestic violence include bruises, broken bones, hospitalizations, and partners who are very controlling. They say they've also found that damage to property can be indicative to domestic violence.
The team will meet four times next year, where partners will review cases, train and come up with a plan
Cuts demanded in Keira Knightley's anti-domestic violence advert
Censors are refusing to allow an advertising campaign against domestic violence featuring Keira Knightley to be shown in full on television
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/5226459/Cuts-demanded-in-Keira-Knightleys-anti-domestic-violence-advert.html
Clearcast, the company which censors adverts on behalf of Ofcom, has reportedly ruled that scenes showing the star of Atonement and Pirates of the Caribbean being thrown to the ground and kicked must be removed before it can be broadcast.
The advert, made by the charity Women's Aid, has been shown in cinemas and viewed more than a million times on the internet.
Called The Cut, it shows Knightley returning home from shooting a new film to be confronted by her boyfriend, who accuses her of having an affair. He then attacks her and she is last seen being kicked repeatedly while lying on the floor. It is this last scene that has been deemed too shocking for a television audience.
Women's Aid said it felt the film was justified as it portrayed the reality of domestic violence.
"We were very careful to reflect what we had heard from anecdotal evidence. We have put this forward to Clearcast, with statistics from the Home Office, and other material," said Lucy Brown, of the charity.
Sandra Horely, the chief executive of Refuge, which gives women and children escaping from domestic violence a place to stay, condemned the decision.
"It seems pathetic. It is really important to raise awareness about domestic violence, and TV gets into people's homes," she said.
"Many women who are victims of domestic violence are isolated by their partner, and in these situations TV is very helpful. It is also a great way to reach the public and raise awareness of the issue."
The advert was due to be shown on television this month.
Chris Hirst, managing director of Grey London Advertising Agency, said: "The reason we are still in conversation with Clearcast about it is because they believe it is too violent.
"Part of the point of the campaign is to raise awareness about domestic violence and spark debate, which the advert has done, even if it doesn't make it on to TV."
Web-Savvy Law Student Helps Win Release of Battered Woman Jailed 29 Yrs
Updated: The sixth try was the charm for a California woman imprisoned for 29 years for sitting in a car while her husband and his cousin robbed a liquor store and killed the store's owner. Connie Keel's successful parole petition is being credited, in part, to the work of second-year law student Adam Reich of the University of Southern California. He argued .... More
Teen Dating Violence – Teachers Can Make a Difference- March 25, 2009
Innovative New Resource Helps English Teachers Use Existing Texts to Encourage Teens to Say ‘No’ to Violence
SAN FRANCISCO – One of the nation’s violence prevention leaders and a national educational organization that promotes student achievement today unveiled an innovative new resource designed to help teachers incorporate violence prevention lessons into existing curricula. The Family Violence Prevention Fund .... More
New Developments in the Rihanna/Chris Brown Case-March 6, 2009
“Sadly, the alleged violent assault of Rihanna by Chris Brown is not unique -- women and girls in every community experience violence every day," said Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler. "While there are many unanswered ....... More
August 31, 2008
Political Parties Address Violence Prevention
Issues relating to domestic and sexual violence took center stage at the Democratic National Convention in late August, highlighted by the selection of United States Senator Joseph Biden (DE) as his party’s vice presidential candidate. A longtime champion of measures to prevent violence against women, Senator Biden is an author of the bi-partisan Violence Against Women Act and a co-sponsor of the bi-partisan International Violence Against Women Act.
Senator Biden was nominated as the Democratic candidate for vice president on Wednesday, August 27, by Quincy Lucas, whose sister, Witney, was murdered by an ex-boyfriend. "Violence against women often happens in the shadows, out of public view," Lucas said. "I’ve devoted my life to bringing it into the light. But I can only speak so much. I realize that sometimes to change lives, you have to change the law."
"Joe Biden heard my story," she continued. "In 1994, he wrote the Violence Against Women Act, so every woman would have a place to turn for support. He's constantly making sure it has the funding it needs. And today, countless women get a second chance at life because of Joe Biden. So it is in memory of my sister and in the name of women all across this country, that I'm proud to place into nomination the name of Joe Biden to be our next vice president."
Then Senator Biden's son, Beau, who is Delaware's Attorney General, introduced his father, "When domestic violence was often a dark secret, Dad wrote the Violence Against Women Act, which gave countless women support, protection and a new chance at life," he said.
In the video distributed to supporters immediately after his selection, Senator Biden discussed his record in Congress and accomplishments, saying, "Most proudly, I wrote the Violence Against Women Act."
Party Platform
The Democratic Party Platform promises more funds for domestic violence and sexual assault programs, and to create a special advisor to the president on violence against women. It says, in part: "Ending violence against women must be a top priority. We will create a special advisor to the president regarding violence against women. We will increase funding to domestic violence and sexual assault prevention programs. We will strengthen sexual assault and domestic violence laws, support the Violence Against Women Act, and provide job security to survivors. Our foreign policy will be sensitive to issues of aggression against women around the world."
It also includes a vow to expand the Family and Medical Leave Act to "enable workers to take leave to care for an elderly parent, address domestic violence and sexual assault, or attend a parent-teacher conference."
Its reproductive health care plank includes a commitment to "end health insurance discrimination against contraception and provide compassionate care to rape victims."
Obama Pledges to Stop Gender Violence Abroad
Senator Obama's campaign website addresses violence against women in the international context: "The genocide in Darfur has had particularly devastating consequences for women. Tens of thousands of women have been killed, raped, and displaced since the conflict began in 2003. Barack Obama has been a leading voice in Washington urging the end of genocide in Sudan. He worked with Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS) on the Darfur Peace and Accountability Act, a version of which was signed into law. Obama has traveled to the United Nations to meet with Sudanese officials and visited refugee camps on the Chad-Sudan border to raise international awareness of the ongoing humanitarian disaster there. He also worked with Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) to secure $20 million for the African Union peacekeeping mission."
Republican Platform Takes Strong Anti-Trafficking Stance
The 2008 Republican Platform supports stronger measures to end human trafficking. "Generations after the end of slavery in America, new forms of bondage have emerged to exploit men, women and children," it says. "We salute those across the political spectrum who have come together to end the commerce in our fellow human beings. We advocate the establishment of an Inter-Agency Task Force on Human Trafficking, reporting directly to the President, and call for increased diplomatic efforts with foreign governments that have been negligent toward this evil."
"The principle underlying our Megan’s Law, publicizing the identities of known offenders, should be extended to international travel in order to protect innocent children everywhere," it continues.
The Republican Platform also claims that faith-based organizations "tend to have a greater degree of success than others in dealing with problems such as substance abuse and domestic violence." It supports mandatory sentencing provisions for crimes including violent or sexual offenses against children and rape, urging that gang rape, child rape, and rape committed in the course of another felony "deserve, at the least, mandatory life imprisonment."
Read more about Quincy Lucas' work here.
